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Sometimes, things may not work out the way we’d want, but instead, the way they need to. That can be cold comfort in the moment, but sometimes, it’s a blessing in disguise. Other times, it’s just a part of life, and something we need to learn. General Hospital‘s Chris McKenna (Brennan) reflected on this in the wake of James Van Der Beek’s death. The two were the same age and they both got their starts in daytime: McKenna on One Life to Live and Van Der Beek on As the World Turns.

But those similarities aren’t what prompted the reflection — instead, it was a brief moment in time when their lives overlapped, then went their separate ways.

“I was originally attached to Varsity Blues,” McKenna shared on X about the mega-popular 1999 high school football film. But was “then replaced by him after his show blew up.” The “him,” McKenna’s referring to is Van Der Beek, of course, and his show was Dawson’s Creek, which made the actor a household name and put the upstart (and now defunct) network, The WB, on the map.

“I envied him,” McKenna admitted, “resented him, came to admire him, then truly respect him as an actor, as a man, and as a father. He was so special.”

No one could blame him for feeling any of those emotions. But it’s perhaps a testament to McKenna and Van Der Beek that that frustration and resentment turned to admiration. It’s not easy to let go of envy, or really any negative emotion and see someone in a new, better light.